I've been keepin' a secret. At first, it was because I was being cautious. I didn't want to jinx anything.
Then... because life got busy... I kind of forgot to share.
But this news is big... HUGE... too exciting NOT to share!!!
Have you figured it out yet?
We are expecting a baby! A BABY! A baby girl to be specific. And she will be arriving in early June. So we're past the halfway mark, and I feel great because it's still the 2nd trimester and that's the honeymoon phase that comes before "I'm so fat and uncomfortable and haven't seen my feet in ages and this baby needs to get out NOW!"
Life is almost too perfect right now. I can't say I have a pregnancy glow, but I do have this feeling of closure and starting over. It's like this new baby is (hopefully) the very last chapter/page/sentence to my experience with cancer and the beginning of a new phase of our life.
Prior to trying for/finding out about this pregnancy, I felt uncertain about many things. Could we even conceive a baby? What if I was infertile (chemo can cause permenant infertility)? What would I do then? There was just this huge unknown. We knew we wanted another child, but when and how and everything else just seemed... uncertain. Like I still hadn't fully grasped all the ways cancer had impacted my life, for better and/or worse.
But the good news is that we got lucky (pun intended). After a very short period of "trying", I got the positive pregnancy test and was elated. And as the pregnancy has progressed without any issues and the baby looks healthy, etc. my sense of relief has been overwhelming at times. For the first 20 weeks, until the 2nd ultrasound, a small part of me kept expecting bad news. Because the last time this happened... my world imploded.
But now, life seems strangely normal. I'm like every other expectant mom. Worried about the little things, like getting the nursery done and what life will be like with 2 kids.
It's like this baby has single handedly given me a sense of closure.
Cancer will never be out of my life entirely. It has a whole chapter (or two) in the story of my life so far. But I have this feeling that this particular chapter is closed. I will still worry about any future chapters that might feature cancer... but this just feels like a new beginning. Like I'm starting with a fresh page, and regardless of what the future holds, I'm SO excited about today.
Anywho, just wanted to share the big news. We are very excited, and I will definitely share pictures when our newest bundle comes.