Category: Hope - The Funny Thing About Cancer
 
I dreamt this weekend.

I haven't had many dreams since starting chemo, both literally and figuratively.  I've been so focused on getting through this, that I haven't allowed myself to dream or wish much for the future.  But I've also been tired to the point of not dreaming when I sleep.

This weekend, I had a dream and it struck a chord with me.

My dream was of a woman with dark brown hair in a wedding gown.  She was about to get into a car with her new husband.  She hugged me and said "Thank you so much!  I love you Mom." 

And then I woke up.

I lay there, next to my husband (he's HOME!), half asleep.  And it slowly sunk in.  I just had a dream about a grown up daughter on her wedding day.  And I wrapped myself up in the promise of that dream.  The HOPE of that dream.

And in my heart, I felt something I haven't throughout this entire journey.  Certainty.  I felt certain that I will live a long life.

I don't know if this will last.  I don't know if doubt will creep back in (I suspect it might).  But for today and maybe tomorrow, I plan to relish that feeling of certainty.  I plan to enjoy a respite from worry.

And if I'm feeling really wild and crazy... I might even let my heart consider the thought of another child. 

Thank you God for dreams.  And for hope.  What blessings they are.