First, the boobs. I've had 4 fills now (with that awful caulk gun) and think that I'm juuuuuust about right in the boob size department. Which, by the way, is alot harder to figure out than you might think.
Going into this, Chris and I agreed that all I want is my pre-baby/pre-lumpectomy boobs back. They weren't huge, they weren't tiny, they were juuuuuuuuuuuuust right. BUT... it's been awhile since I've seen my old boobs. So I'm having a tough time remembering what they looked like :)
To complicate things even more, before surgery, I had one D cub boob and one B cup boob (at the same time). So my internal metric of what the "right size" is has been totally compromised. I keep looking down at my foobs (that's cancer talk for "fake boobs") thinking "are these too big? are they too small? They look smaller than I remember... but what if I end up with boobs like Pam Anderson?!? I SO do not want to be "that girl with the huge tits". Do I dare to go bigger?"
I know, I know, why not just go try on one of my old bras? That should solve the problem easy peasy right? WELL there's a small problem with the SHAPE of my foobs. They're just big round balls that sit on my chest. So I could try on a B cup bra, a C cup bra, and a D cup bra... and they all kind of fit. Since my foobs have no "squish" factor, it's difficult to know if my cup overfloweth :)
So... every week between fills, I go through a routine of trying on bras, seeing what's comfortable, trying to figure out are they "big enough? or too big?"
To top it all off, a few fellow survivors I've met have said they were disappointed after the exchange and felt like the end result was too small. And I don't want to be disappointed. I want to come out of surgery/recovery thinking "damn these are pretty! It almost makes cancer worth it!" (OK, nothing makes cancer worth it, but since these are my "consolation prize"... I wanna get it right).
Long story short, I think I finally hit the right size. Not too huge, not too small. So in another small fill or two (they overexpand so that there's some extra skin for the implant to drop into), I'll be ready for my exchange. Which is VERY exciting :)
So that's enough about foobs.
Time to update you on something MUCH deeper... HAIR!
Two days ago, I passed my 2 month "anniversary" from my last chemo treatment. And check out all this hair!!
I think in 2 more weeks, I might have enough hair to style it... or get a haircut?? maybe?!?!?
Guys, I am SOOOOO looking forward to my first haircut! I know some survivors avoid EVER getting their hair cut for MONTHS after chemo, but I'm looking forward to having a "style" again. Plus... my hair stylist gives the most AMAZING head massages. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait!!!
And to top it all off, Chris is currently in the process of moving to St. Paul. OUR REQUEST FOR COMPASSIONATE REASSIGNMENT WENT THROUGH!!! I currently have a uhaul trailer sitting my driveway. Chris got home last night. We are officially done with Mississippi!
I kinda feel like life is starting to go my way again. Granted, by saying that on my blog, I've probably jinxed it. But I can't help it. Life is GREAT! Really, REALLY great! I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed that it stays that way.