Dreams... - The Funny Thing About Cancer
 
I dreamt this weekend.

I haven't had many dreams since starting chemo, both literally and figuratively.  I've been so focused on getting through this, that I haven't allowed myself to dream or wish much for the future.  But I've also been tired to the point of not dreaming when I sleep.

This weekend, I had a dream and it struck a chord with me.

My dream was of a woman with dark brown hair in a wedding gown.  She was about to get into a car with her new husband.  She hugged me and said "Thank you so much!  I love you Mom." 

And then I woke up.

I lay there, next to my husband (he's HOME!), half asleep.  And it slowly sunk in.  I just had a dream about a grown up daughter on her wedding day.  And I wrapped myself up in the promise of that dream.  The HOPE of that dream.

And in my heart, I felt something I haven't throughout this entire journey.  Certainty.  I felt certain that I will live a long life.

I don't know if this will last.  I don't know if doubt will creep back in (I suspect it might).  But for today and maybe tomorrow, I plan to relish that feeling of certainty.  I plan to enjoy a respite from worry.

And if I'm feeling really wild and crazy... I might even let my heart consider the thought of another child. 

Thank you God for dreams.  And for hope.  What blessings they are.
Jamie
5/2/2011 01:18:52 pm

Love this...thanking God for your dreams!

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5/3/2011 08:31:20 am

Smiling :) Wrap yourself in that certainty and enjoy the gift!

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Mary
5/3/2011 06:47:35 pm

Dreams are very powerful - After chemo i dream I was washed clean of cancer. The dream was different that my usual confused dreams - it was very real and lucid. It worked for me. A daughter is a very good dream.

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Rosanne
5/4/2011 10:54:52 pm

Still speechless on this one. I have that same dream for you and we just need to find some way to make it happen. Like I'll have anything to do with it.

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