Hello, it's me. I'm still alive. - The Funny Thing About Cancer
 
My blog is my "safe place" to vent.  At times, particularly since treatment is over, I feel like I probably vent too much, instead of filling people in on the good things in life.

So I just want to take a moment to say "life is good."

It's been a whole month (or so) since my last "scare".  Which was dumb.  Again.  God bless my husband putting up with me and my "discovery" of ailments that I am soon convinced are cancer.  This time it was a lump in the roof of my mouth.  Good news: it wasn't cancer.  Bad news: I feel like a dummy b/c my dentist said "I don't feel anything strange, it feels like it's just the end of your palatte."

I even have an x-ray to prove it.

First an MRI to diagnose a sinus infection.  And now an X-ray to diagnose... a bone. 

I swear I'm usually totally logical and pretty smart (seriously, I AM!).  But some days I mystify myself. 

Good news: the recurrance fears are becoming fewer and further in between.  I'm not sure Chris would agree with me... but I swear they are. 

Bad news: I still worry.  I wish I could stop worrying.  I wish I could snap my fingers and forget that there is even any risk.  But that's not my reality.  I just hope that the fears will continue to decline.  And that as I continue to feel AMAZING, life will feel more and more "normal".

So life right now is really good.  I am feeling amazing.  My energy is high.  I am happy about life in general.  I'm exercising like a crazy person, which I think helps with the "feeling amazing" part.  I just generally feel relaxed and happy and good.

We have a trip to california planned at the end of this month to visit some very good friends.  I am so excited.  SO EXCITED!  I can't wait to get that sense of freedom that comes with seeing old friends who know you better than you know yourself (and love you none-the-less).  Napa Valley, HERE WE COME!

I'm still investigating getting my tattoos.  Maybe I'll convince the hubby to go on a trip to a tattoo parlor sometime soon :)  And I'm toying with the idea of getting an actual tattoo (of something other than nipples).  I know I've said this here before, but my "words to live by" are Faith, Hope and Joy.  I find that when I get lost in the day to day stresses, I need to remind myself of those words. 

Like lately, life has been hectic.  Very hectic.  And I lost that joyful part of me to all the scheduling and planning and everything else.  So I took a second, stepped back and reminded myself to seek out that joy.  So this week, I've been having a blast with my son.  I've been enjoying work.  I've felt less stressed (even though I'm still very busy).  Life just feels like an adventure, instead of a to-do list.

So who knows, maybe I'll come away with more than one tattoo... although to be honest, I have NO idea if I can commit to anything other than nipples for the long haul :)

Well, I just wanted to say hi.  To let you know that life after cancer can be wonderful.  And scary.  And normal.  And crazy.  But mostly, it's just good.  And that is definitely something to celebrate.
10/4/2012 12:02:38 pm

Ahoy matey! Just so you know, as I was reading this, I felt the roof of my palette and was SHOCKED at the size of the lump towards my teeth! Thanks for the heads up :) Next Friday is my first mamogram... I defy any Doctor that tells me I have to wait till 35!

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10/5/2012 05:51:04 am

I think the hypochondria is one of those "funny" after effects of cancer. I had some bloodwork done for my pregnancy and the fact that I had slightly higher than normal white blood cell count immediately meant cancer. An enlarged lymphnode (during a heatwave when I was overexerting myself) was also cancer... I'm coming to just accept that this is something that I will have to deal with but will hopefully get fewer and farther between with time. My doctor did tell me that she always wants me to call, and not because she is worried, but because it is her job to worry about it, not mine. Point being, she doesn't want ME to worry. I hope your team is equally supportive, but I hope you at least don't feel bad for making those calls. I take your absence from your blog as a good thing. Life is moving on and you are too busy to write. I hope it stays that way. =)

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Mary
10/5/2012 03:36:21 pm

IT DOES GET BETTER! You still think "cancer" every lump, bump or cough - but what you learn is to not panic/worry. I sorta got there by telling myself - I'll get the test/xray/scan but I am not going to worry till after I get some bad news. If I have learned anything from cancer it that there will be plenty of time to worry after any bad news. I think if I had been so aware of my body before - I probably wouldn't have lived with stress and eating crappy so long and they are killers too. Thanks for writing and letting us know how you are doing

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