What?  Your doctors don't tell you to do that?

My doctor did.

OK, maybe not in those words.  Allow me to explain.

Next Friday is my exchange surgery.  This will effectively complete the major surgeries of my reconstruction.  If you could see me right now, I'm doing the running man.  And my boobs aren't moving b/c they're awful expanders that are hard and never move and I can't wait to get rid of them!!!!!!!!

Yes, I'm excited.

Since my surgery is next Friday (the 9th), my surgeon wanted to meet today to look at my boobs.  Seriously.  He missed them, it'd been a couple of weeks since he last saw them.  OK, I'm joking about that part.  But I do mean it when I say that he wanted to look at my boobs.  Basically it was a meeting to discuss what I want the final product to look like.  Is there anything that I'm currently unhappy with that we can fix? 

So I took my top off and he measured and poked and asked questions and then showed me implants so I could get an idea of size.  People, let me just take a second to say... I have INSANE boobs right now.  I have over 700ccs of fluid in each breast currently.  I think I knew that, but when confronted with an actual implant that is THAT LARGE I was like "CALL BAYWATCH!  I'M READY FOR MY CAMEO!"

Anywho, back to the story, we discussed size, some changes, implant shape, etc. and then he took about a thousand photos so he can review them before surgery and remember what we want to do (which I took for code meaning that he's proud of his work and he wants to show it off to other doctors).

And then before I left, he gave me some homework.  If I can find a photo of some boobies that I like and want... he will hang it on the wall of the operating room and do his best to match 'em.

Soooo... basically I need to go buy a playboy? 

And once again cancer has brought another first into my life.  The first time a doctor has ever recommended porn as part of a treatment... never saw that one coming!

Thanksgiving this year is very emotional for me.  In fact, I'm fairly certain that Thanksgiving every year going forward will be very emotional for me and bring back many memories.

You see, last year the week before the Thanksgiving holiday, I found out I was pregnant.  And I, like most, was excited but a little nervous.

The week after the Thanksgiving holiday, I found a lump in my breast.  And I was scared.

About a week and a half later, I heard the words, "I'm sorry, you have cancer."

And my life changed.

I think back on the past year and all that has gone on.  A good part of me is relieved that 2011 is coming to a close.  This is not a year in my life that I will ever remember fondly. 

However, this past year has made me so incredibly thankful.

I am thankful for my health.  Today, I am healthy and alive and that alone is enough to bring me to tears.  Before cancer, I took my health for granted.  Today I am incredibly thankful for it.

I am thankful for my huge network of friends and family that supported me so much throughout the last year.  I've made new friends.  I've renewed old friendships.  I've never, ever felt so loved or cared for in my life.  If there is one good thing to come from cancer, it is to know how blessed I am in terms of family and friends.

I am thankful for my son.  Having a miscarriage has made me even more thankful for how easy my first pregnancy was and for the blessing of my child.  Every day I reminded how lucky I am to have such an amazing gift from God in that little boy.

In general, I am simply more thankful for my many, many, many blessings.  I think so often, we get lost in our day to day troubles and stress.  Stress about money.  Stress about family.  Stress about work.  And we forget that a job is a blessing.  Family is a gift.  And the material things are not forever.  We forget to be thankful.

Today, I give thanks for every moment.  I give thanks for each day.  I give thanks for every moment I get to see my son grow and learn.  I give thanks for every moment spend with my husband, even when we're not agreeing with one another.  I give thanks because no matter if the day was ideal or terrible, it is another day that I am here.

So I rejoice that 2011 is coming to a close.  I rejoice that in just 2 weeks, I will have a majority of my treatment and reconstruction behind me.  I rejoice that I am healthy and happy and lucky enough to be surrounded by amazing friends and family. 

And I pray that I will remember to be thankful for every day, for each day is a gift.

So, it's been like a month since the trip to San Fran.

And I got busy.  So I forgot to blog.  DARN YOU WORK!  If work didn't take up so much time, I swear I'd do WAY more blogging (for reals).

Anywho, let the Girl-a-palooza recapping begin.  I have no idea how many blogs about this there will be... but I have a feeling it'll be at least 3.  Maybe more.

So where to begin.  The obvious place is at the very beginning.  And for a girl, that means SHOPPING!

What?  You thought it would be the plane ride or something?  Every trip for any girl usually means shopping.  Shopping for clothes, or a book, or snacks. 

Or is that just me?  It's like my ritual before embarking on a long trip... I must go buy something.

I did buy a cute outfit or two.  But the thing I needed more than anything was a....

wait for it...

it's REALLY EXCITING...

A COMPRESSION SLEEVE!

What?  That's not what you were expecting?  You were thinking I was going to say something frivilous didn't you?  Like a puzzle book for the plane or something... which I might've gotten too.

But this is very serious business.

For the uninitiated, when you have your lymph nodes removed, you are at risk of developing lymphedema.  I could get into a long explanation of what lymphedema is... but that would make this post a novel.  So to put it simply, lymphedema is generalized swelling in an area of your body that does not naturally go away because you have few to no lymph nodes to drain the fluid. 

One of the things that can trigger lymphedema is flying.  You know when you fly and your hands feel kind of swollen or you just generally feel bloated?  I always assumed I was imagining that... or maybe that it was the salt on the peanuts they give you that just caused my hands to feel fat.  The "good news"?  It's wasn't my imagination, it's actually part of your body's reaction to the changing levels of pressure.

So, being at risk for lymphedema, I have to wear a compression sleeve on the affected area (my right arm).  The fear being that the arm will swell and with no lymph nodes, my body would not be able to naturally drain the swelling.  And then I'd have a chronic case of lymphedema... which is NOT on my Christmas list.

Thus, one of my first purchases was a compression sleeve.  This is kind of like a nylon that you put on your arm that gives constant pressure to your arm and does not allow it to swell.

Sounds sexy, eh?  Pantyhose on your arm... what could be sexier than that? 

If you can't picture this in your head, here is a photo:

I know, HOT!  But seriously... what does one wear with a compression sleeve?  Do you flaunt it?  Or do you try to hide it?

I know... right now you're thinking "Well it doesn't look bad with HER outfit."  But I'm SO not wearing a sports bra and spandex to the airport.  Granted, it might make security easier... 

And yes, I know the nude isn't that bad.  And I'm sure you're asking, why not just wear a long sleeved shirt over it?

Well the answer to that question is twofold. 

1. Bending your arm in a compression sleeve is not terribly comfortable.  If you have it bent for long periods of time (as I learned on the flight) it can get very uncomfortable.  It kind of cuts off bloodflow a little bit at your elbow.  So the last thing I want to do is add more fabric to the crook of my elbow to magnify that effect.

2.  In addition to the compression sleeve, I have to wear a gauntlet.  Which a sleeve wouldn't cover.

What's a gauntlet?  I'm glad you asked!

Sexy, right?

These are the things that cancer survivors have to think about.  What outfit can I wear that will coordinate with my compression sleeve and gauntlet?  Jealous?  I thought so.

Well... in typical Cynthia fashion, I decided I did NOT want to go the route of blah and bland.  If I'm gonna have to wear a compression sleeve, I'm going to be LOUD AND PROUD about it... or at least do something where I feel like any stares are well deserved.

So I got myself a sleeve that looked like tattoos.  Actually I got THREE sleeves that look like tattoos.  Because they were having a sale of buy two get one free on patterned sleeves.  And because I'm supposed to wear a sleeve when lifting weights... so I figured I'd need more than one.

Behold the beauty of the compression sleeves:

OK... so that's not me modelling them...

But when I wear them, they actually look quite a bit like tattoos.  Which is kind of entertaining.

On the way to San Fran, I wore the very first one (that is all dragons and lotus flowers and is really meant to look like a tat) and got several compliments on my awesome tattoos.  I also got some old ladies looking at me like I was cah-razy!  Which I kind of am, but I'm OK with that.

So moral of the story, if you have any lymph nodes removed (even just 1 or 2) go get yourself a compression sleeve before flying.  I have a good friend that had only 2 nodes removed and she ended up with lymphedema after a flight.  It doesn't happen often, but better to be safe than sorry!

Plus... it can really complete your outfit!

OK.  I sewed... and sewed... and sewed.

And everything turned out better than I had hoped. 

Therefore I must take a very brief moment to show off (and by brief, I mean really long).  Yes, I realize this is NOT a sewing/crafting blog.  So hopefully this will be a "one time only" crafting overshare.  But since one of my readers (Julie) wanted details, here they are.

Like I said before, I LOOOOOVE to make baby gifts.  They're relatively cheap.  They're relatively easy.  And it's pretty immediate gratification... meaning I don't spend a week or more on a project (more like 2-5 hours).

And the best part... I can make a "theme" without having to just pick and choose from what stores like Target and Babies R Us have to offer. 

So I found out about 5 weeks ago that a person I love dearly is pregnant.  She was actually about 34-ish weeks at the time.  I had nothing made (obviously since I was not aware prior to this), and I personally LOVE making gifts for people.  So I was all "I HAVE TO GO TO JO-ANN'S!" 

(then I paused for a second to ask "uhhh... what do you need?")

And she was all "WHATEVER YOU WANT TO MAKE ME!" (I love this girl)

At risk of going on a tanget, can I say how much I love Jo-Anns?  Or any fabric store in general?  I love the world of possibilities.  There are all these bolts of fabric just waiting to have their purpose revealed!  What will you turn the fabric into?  Only you know!  I might look at a flannel and think "what a great baby blanket" while someone else might say "I need to make pajama pants out of that NOW!"  I just love to look at fabrics and daydream about what I can create.

Yes.  I'm a dork.  I'm OK with that.

Anywho.  My friend is waiting until the birth to find out if she's having a boy or girl.  I think this is cool, but for someone making a baby gift, it can be limiting.  I mean... all the cool baby fabrics are usually NOT gender neutral.  So when I got to JoAnns, I went to the flannel aisle (b/c everything baby should be flannel... it's so soft and cuddly!) and started to browse to see what my "neutral" fabric options were.

1. Green jungle animals
2. Owls... although even these were kind of gender biased (some fabrics had more blue... some had more pink)
3. Grey, red, black and white music/rock and roll themed fabric.

Hmmm... my pregnant friend is kind of "hip" (yes, I just said hip, I'm old, I'm OK with that).  Which kind of vetoed the green jungle animals.  It was "cute" not "cool".  The owls were a little too gender biased for me.  And the rock 'n roll fabric was... just... AWESOME!  Don't believe me?  Check it out:

So I bought all except that one on the right (b/c it didn't match my color scheme) and went home to make burp cloths and blankets galore.

And I finished that in one night b/c it's EASY!  If you want to know how easy, just let me know and I might actually post a tutorial and risk turning this into a craft blog for a few brief minutes.

I ended up with 7 burp cloths and 3 40x40 inch flannel blankets (flannel was 60% off, so I got alot of it).  Because those flannel blankets they sell in stores that measure like 20x20 inches are WEAK!  You can't use them to swaddle.  It's like trying to use a postage stamp to cover your baby.  I.  HATE.  THEM.  Thus, I only make massively large flannel blankets for my friends.

After just one evening of sewing, I was kind of hooked.  It was fun.  It was easy.  The results were AWESOME.  I had to sew more.

Enter the diaper bag.  I checked in with my buddy and she said "nope, don't have a diaper bag yet."

SWEET!  (I actually said that... which... wow... just demonstrates me sewing geekiness)

My mom makes awesome diaper bags.  They're these back packs that are quilted and adorable b/c they match whatever theme you want.  And she uses her embroidery machine to put the baby's name on it and everything.  I loved mine.  But I don't have the patience to make one b/c quilting and all that takes some serious time (remember, I like things that fit into the 5 hours or less time range).

So I went online to find a tutorial for an easy messenger style diaper bag. 

I found this awesome tutorial for how to make a diaper bag that transforms into a stroller bag.  And it sounded super duper easy.  CHECK IT OUT.

Next night, it was back to JoAnns (no, I don't shop all at once, I shop in spurts b/c I like going to the fabric store as often as possible).

I found this great, sturdy, thick red canvas material, which matched the red hearts on one of the flannels I picked up.  But I didn't want to do all red.  Because that's way boring.  So I got some grey canvas to offset it.  And a fun polkadot cotton for the liner.  I would've done more of the grey and red heart material (from above) as a liner... but they had already sold out. 

Apparently I wasn't the only person who thought it was awesome.

Now the only thing I didn't like about the above tutorial was the lack of pockets in the diaper bag.  Because when your diaper bag has no set locations to put things... you lose stuff in it and spend 5 very frustrating minutes searching for that STUPID toy that your kid loves while they're screaming and you think you might lose your mind.  And then you just dump everything out on the floor like a crazy woman b/c YOU CAN'T FIND THAT STUPID TOY!

Or maybe it's just that I always overpack my diaper bag so I can't find anything.

Either way, I didn't want this to just be an empty messenger back.  I wanted there to be some built in organization.  And more pockets.  Pockets are GOOD.  So I added a large back pocket (to put the changing pad in).  And I reinforced the bottom.  And I added two pockets on each side for little cell phone pockets.  And then I added 2 large pockets on the inside (for diapers and wipes).  And put a long strip of elastic on one side and sewed it down in a few spots to hold whatever else a mom might want to stick in there and keep in place (burp cloths, blankets, bottles... whatever).  So I kind of redesigned the entire bag.  In a good way (I hope).

I think it took me between 5 and 7 hours in total.  Which is pretty awesome considering I was making up alot of this as I went along.

I personally think it turned out AWESOME.  Having made one now... there are definitely things I would do differently, but for a first "prototype" I think I rocked the socks off this diaper bag.

Check it OUT!

See what I mean?  Turned out way awesomer than I thought it would.  And it's still light and easy to carry.  I'm so in love with making these.  I want more friends to have babies so I can make more of them.  Way fun!

Hint Hint: go procreate people!  Just so I can make diaper bags!

So now what?  I mean I made the blankets and the burp cloths and the diaper bag.  BUT I STILL WANT TO SEW!

What else could I add that would really finish off the entire "set". 

I KNOW!  A paci pocket (had one of these with caleb and I LOVED it).  This is basically just a little pouch that you can stick pacifiers in.  But you can hang it off your purse strap.  Or diaper bag strap.  Or anything that the little strap fits around.  Sounds simple... but crying baby + pacifier = sweet, quiet, happy baby (at least that worked with Caleb).  So always knowing where the pacifiers were was VITAL.

Which leads to my OTHER tiny project... a paci/binkie clip.  This was a little tougher to figure out because finding little clips to use that don't destroy clothing (like some mitten/suspender clips) is way harder than it sounds.  I like the clips that have a little plastic or rubber on the teeth so they don't kill that cute outfit.  And the ones with plastic teeth were like $2 per clip!  OUTRAGEOUS! 

So I went to Office Max.  Because I just wanted a stupid plastic clip that didn't cost more than the pacifier itself.  And I found those plastic clips with magnets on the back (to stick to the side of a filing cabinet).  They were the perfect size!  They were the perfect price (about $0.75 apiece).  And they even had cute smiley faces on them :)

I tore off the magnet, drilled a few holes in the plastic (so I could attach the strap for the binkie clip) and voila!  They were perfect.

Two short hours later, and I was done with these little projects. 

And now I'm spent.  I've run out of ideas.  And out of time.  My friend is now 39 weeks pregnant so I should really get this gift delivered (before she delivers!). 

This concludes craft time on The Funny Thing About Cancer blog.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Next blog will be back to your regularly scheduled programming!

Someone (aka Mom) wanted to know where the photos and additional blogs from Girlapalooza are.

I've done some work on the blogs.  And I have photos, but I haven't taken time to download them.  All the awesome details are "in the works" but not yet ready for publishing.  Why?  I mean this is "on the edge of the seat exciting" kind of stuff right?  Why would I delay it?

Because I've been busy sewing.

Sewing?

Yes.  Sewing.

I recently found out that someone I love dearly is pregnant and due pretty soon.  And I love to sew baby stuff.  All baby stuff is small, and does not require fantastic tailoring skills... so I love making it.  Thus, I have been sewing up a storm for the baby gift!  My few hours of quiet time each night are now spent bent over a sewing machine whipping up burp cloths and swaddling blankets and pacifier leashes... and so maybe even a diaper bag? (still not sure if I'm going to tackle this one)  And I'm really enjoying it.  
 
What does this have to do with cancer?  Well nothing obvious.  But... this is something I would've never had the energy for during treatment.  I used to LOVE to sew.  I LOVE working on little projects.  But for the last year or so, my sewing machines have been pretty dormant (unless my mom was visiting and then she used them).  Being able to do this stuff again and really ENJOY and LOVE it... well it kinda makes me feel like I'm reclaiming my life a little.  Rediscovering some of my "lost" passions that I just didn't have the time or energy for during treatment.

It's just one more little thing that makes me feel alot more like myself.  More "normal".  Which is pretty awesome.

So when will you get to see photos of the race and stuff?  Soon.  Very soon.  Probably early next week... if not a little sooner.  But for now, I have to go be my crafty self. 

So.  Everyone wants to know, "how did it go?!?!?!"

That's a lie... the texts I've been getting are more along the lines of "are you still alive?"

Yes.  I'm alive.  I completed the half as did all of my friends.  AND 2 of my friends even ran the full marathon.  They're studs.

I don't have alot of time to blog about it right now... but I had a BLAST.  It was by far the most fun I've had during a race.  It was me and 24,999 of my closest friends (25K runners that day including me).  There were fun costumes.  There were lots of amazing women... and a few brave men. 

But more than ANYTHING ELSE... there were hills.

Lots and lots of hills.

Here is the elevation map:

Yep.  Those are as serious as they look. 

Or... maybe this map will help you better understand (I've added my own comments).

Even for all the hills, I did have a GREAT time.  It was awesome.  I had alot of fun... even if I may have dropped the F bomb about 300 times and cursed the city of San Fran under my breath every time I saw yet another hill.

The scenery was also AMAZING!  We ran along the water for most of the race so we got to see the Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay and the Pacific Ocean... it was the best scenery I've ever had while running.

And there was alot of entertainment along the way. 

I will write alot more about the whole trip and the race and everything else as I have time.  But I just thought I'd check in, say hi, and tell you I am (in fact) still alive.  YAY!

Tomorrow I fly out to San Francisco for Girl-a-palooza 2011!

That is what we have dubbed our girls weekend in San Fran.

There are 6 of us... which is kind of alot... so it fits, yes?

And I am SO CRAZY EXCITED!

My bags are packed.  Cute outfits are assembled.  Cuter shoes are all ready to go.  Bathing suit was added last night (for the hot tub at our AMAZING rental house).  I'm totally having difficulty focusing on ANYTHING other than this big event :)

Oh yeah... I also packed my running shoes and a running outfit... you know, for that half marathon thing.

I ran for an hour last weekend, so I'm about as ready as I'm ever going to get (which is not really at all).

More importantly, I'm ready for a semi-relaxing 4ish days with 5 other amazing women.  I look forward to great conversation, good food and amazing wine (here we come Napa Valley!).

What you can expect next week?
1. Lots of photos.
2. A blog about lymphedema... and the awesome compression sleeve I will be wearing on the plane (and maybe during the run).
3. Lots more photos... and maybe a review or two of some of the wine I get to drink.
4. Maybe a crazy story or two about my time with my girls.... but then again, what happens in san fran might STAY in san fran ;)  (yeah right, we're all old ladies now, our wild story will be about how we stayed up past 10)

And who knows... maybe we'll have to start planning Girl-a-palooza 2012.  Vegas anyone? (and yes, there is a half marathon there)

Fear.

Fear is such a powerful thing. 

Before cancer, my biggest fears were based on my husband being at war.  What if he didn't come home?  What if I ended up being a single parent?  On my "bad days" during his deployment, I would cry just thinking about what it would be like to raise my son without my husband.  Or how I would react if those 2 soldiers showed up at my front door to tell me my husband wasn't coming home.  There were days that I just didn't want to go home... because I was SURE they would be there waiting for me.

It never ever occurred to me that I might be the one making an early exit and that Chris might end up being the single parent.  Not once.

Then I heard the words, "I'm sorry, you have cancer."

And BAM!  My mortality hit me in the face and knocked me on my ass.

And suddenly that's all I could think about.  What if I died?  What would Caleb do without me?  How can my little boy grow up without his Mama?

Eventually I put those fears aside.  But that fear was a huge motivator during my fight.  I NEEDED to live.

Now the immediate battle is over.  I won.  I have been declared cancer free... a survivor.

I won, right?  No more cancer!  But... my mind keeps telling me there is the chance.  The chance of recurrance.

Did you know that on average about 80% of women diagnosed with my subtype of cancer are alive after 5 years?  That means 20% die.  Not all of them die of cancer, but many do.  Because the cancer comes back.

Recurrance. 

That is the fear now.  What if it comes back? 

I'm doing everything I can to keep cancer at bay.  I'm eating right (most of the time).  I'm exercising at least 3-4 days every week.  I'm trying to keep my weight down.  I've cut back severely on my alcohol intake.  I'm trying to keep my stress levels low.  All those magical things that decrease my chance of recurrance by up to half.

But... what if that's not enough?  What if it comes back despite all of that?

This is life for a cancer survivor in the months after treatment.  From the survivors I've talked to, these fears are totally normal.  Get a headache?  The fear yells "brain cancer!"  PMS cramps?  Must be uterine cancer!  Any aches/pains?  Bone cancer!  Shortness of breath (I'm asthmatic too so this does happen alot)?  Lung cancer!

I wish I was kidding or being sarcastic or overexaggerating.  But this is a common thread on the support boards where I'm known to hang out.  The fear that comes with survivorship.

So that is my new battle, conquering the fear.  Because if I let this fear invade my mind and rule my life, cancer wins. 

A few quotes recently caught my attention in regards to fear:

"Fear ends where faith begins." ~Unknown
"Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death." ~Unknown

These struck a chord with me.  Because in the end, I cannot control recurrance.  Nothing I can do will guarantee my long term survival. 

So I have to have faith. 

I have to have faith that everything I do to keep myself healthy will work.  I have to have faith in my doctors and my treatment and that it WORKED.  I have to have faith that I have done everything in my power to NEVER have to face this beast again.  I HAVE to have faith that I will live.  Because a life lived in fear isn't much of a life.

And, if cancer does return, I have to have faith in God.  That He has a plan.  That even with metastatic cancer, I can continue to survive for years to come.  That if I do die, I will be with Him.  And He will watch over my family and be there to help them survive.

I know these fears will never fully go away.  But I pray that if I let my faith fill me up, there will be little room left for fear. 

I pray that through faith, I can find some peace.

Today was my very last caulk gun appointment! 

I am DONE with getting my expanders filled.

And my boobs are HUGE!  I am at work.  So I will not attempt any photo shoots that might help demonstrate their actual size...

Maybe later.

I think these photos might have to involve fruit or some other form of prop.  Maybe melons?  Or what other euphemisms could I put into action?  Balloons?  Jugs?  Hmmm.  This could make for some entertaining photos.

Good news is that my ACTUAL implant will be about 120cc's smaller than where they're currently at.  The doctor said we had to over-inflate so that there is a "pocket" for the implant to "drop into".  I'm looking forward to having slightly smaller boobies again.

On the upside, my large ta-tas got checked out by several college students today when leaving the university hospital.  And as any other 30 year old mother will tell you, getting checked out by single twenty somethings makes you want to say "HECK YEAH!  I still got it!" 

Even if it was my synthetic boobies that were getting all the attention, I will still take credit for it... because I can.  Not like the plastic surgeon will mind if I claim credit for his hard work...

Anywho.  Just wanted to celebrate my VERY LAST tissue fill.  Next, in about 6-8 weeks, I will be getting my exchange surgery.  So basically Santa is coming early and he's bringing me a brand new set of boobies!  Hurrah!

In 15 days, I will be making a trip to San Francisco.

In 17 days, I will be running the Nike Women's Half Marathon.

Because I'm crazy.

Because after 5 months of chemo and a bilateral mastectomy, I thought to myself "what could be more fun than to go run a half marathon?"

And honestly, I am SO looking forward to it :)

I'm not in good shape.  I'm no where close to running 13 miles.  But I cannot wait to do this.

Why?  Because I will be catching up with some of my best friends around the country (who like to run).  We're going to spend 3 days in San Fran and 1 day in Napa.  I get to enjoy intelligent, uninterrupted, adult conversation with 5 smart and amazing women.  Some of them I haven't seen in almost 5 years.

I'm sure you're thinking, "why don't you just do that WITHOUT the half marathon?"

The answer is simple, I'm not very good at giving myself presents.  If someone were to say "let's organize a girls weekend."  I'd say "that sounds like fun!"  But since there is no sense of immediacy or urgency, it would fall to the wayside and we'd never get together.  Or I'd be "too busy" or something would come up.  Bottom line is that somehow the weekend wouldn't happen.

BUT when you decide to sign up for a half marathon, there is no backing out.  You (usually) train your butt off for one of these things, so there is NO WAY you're going to let something pop up that will keep you from running it.  The amount of time and commitment it takes to get ready just makes it impossible to NOT go.

Plus.  It's the Nike Women's Half.  There is a lottery to select participants.  It's almost impossible to get INTO this thing.  Why?  Because there is a mile of chocolate.  And you get a Tiffany's necklace (instead of a medal).  And... it's, like, AWESOME!  I mean, you couldn't PAY me to miss this.  I've been fantasizing about this race since I started running half marathons!

So... in just a few short weeks, I will be in San Francisco enjoying the company of some of my favorite women.  And I will enjoy every moment of it, even if I'm simply strolling along the course (because I'm too tired to run). 

And you know what makes it even better?  Even if I'm not half marathon shape, I'm healthy enough to run.  I'm energetic enough to laugh my way through it.  And even if it's painful at times, it's still better than sitting in the chemo chair.

Life is good.