I dreamt this weekend.
I haven't had many dreams since starting chemo, both literally and figuratively. I've been so focused on getting through this, that I haven't allowed myself to dream or wish much for the future. But I've also been tired to the point of not dreaming when I sleep.
This weekend, I had a dream and it struck a chord with me.
My dream was of a woman with dark brown hair in a wedding gown. She was about to get into a car with her new husband. She hugged me and said "Thank you so much! I love you Mom."
And then I woke up.
I lay there, next to my husband (he's HOME!), half asleep. And it slowly sunk in. I just had a dream about a grown up daughter on her wedding day. And I wrapped myself up in the promise of that dream. The HOPE of that dream.
And in my heart, I felt something I haven't throughout this entire journey. Certainty. I felt certain that I will live a long life.
I don't know if this will last. I don't know if doubt will creep back in (I suspect it might). But for today and maybe tomorrow, I plan to relish that feeling of certainty. I plan to enjoy a respite from worry.
And if I'm feeling really wild and crazy... I might even let my heart consider the thought of another child.
Thank you God for dreams. And for hope. What blessings they are.
I haven't had many dreams since starting chemo, both literally and figuratively. I've been so focused on getting through this, that I haven't allowed myself to dream or wish much for the future. But I've also been tired to the point of not dreaming when I sleep.
This weekend, I had a dream and it struck a chord with me.
My dream was of a woman with dark brown hair in a wedding gown. She was about to get into a car with her new husband. She hugged me and said "Thank you so much! I love you Mom."
And then I woke up.
I lay there, next to my husband (he's HOME!), half asleep. And it slowly sunk in. I just had a dream about a grown up daughter on her wedding day. And I wrapped myself up in the promise of that dream. The HOPE of that dream.
And in my heart, I felt something I haven't throughout this entire journey. Certainty. I felt certain that I will live a long life.
I don't know if this will last. I don't know if doubt will creep back in (I suspect it might). But for today and maybe tomorrow, I plan to relish that feeling of certainty. I plan to enjoy a respite from worry.
And if I'm feeling really wild and crazy... I might even let my heart consider the thought of another child.
Thank you God for dreams. And for hope. What blessings they are.
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