As I laid in bed, sweating, just staring at the ceiling, I was thinking about my beautiful little boy and how much I love him. And as often happens when those thoughts go through my head, I say a little prayer. Here is about how that prayer went:
Thank you so much for my little boy. Thank you for another day with him, watching him grow and learn. Please let me have many more days like today.
OK... maybe not exactly like today. Today was a little rough. How about lots of days like today minus the tantrums and Mr. Grumpy Pants attitude Caleb was sporting. Let's just say when you created Caleb, you created an excellent lesson in patience for me. Every day. And sometimes every second of every day.
But you know what I mean. Please allow me to have many days and years with my little boy so I can be there for him as he grows into a man. Please grant me the blessing of one day becoming a Grandma to his children.
NOT that I'm in any rush to become a Grandma. Seriously. I have no desire for Caleb to be on Teen Mom Season #523. He better not knock up some 15 year old, dimwitted floozy like I see on that show because you know I'll have to kill either him or her if that's the case, depending on who is dumber.
(and then I remember I'm praying and probably shouldn't use words like floozy or threaten to kill anyone)
God, please help those single young teen mothers all around the world and help guide them to provide good lives for their children. It's not an easy life.
(then my mind turns towards my upcoming surgery)
And God, please help give me the bravery I need going into this surgery. Please be with my surgeons and guide their hands and make this surgery successful so the cancer can't come back. And Lord, I know this might sound vain, but please be with that plastic surgeon and help him do a great job.
Because I really want nice boobs. Please do not let me end up looking like Franken-tits. I just want boobs that are pretty and make Chris want to spend alot of time practicing making babies. *wink wink*
(and yes I even say "wink wink" in my head. God doesn't care because I'm married and married people are allowed to do things that go along with the "wink wink", so there!)
Which leads me to my last request. God please let my fertility come back. Please bless me with the opportunity to become a parent to another child. Just kick start my ovaries soon. Not just for the sake of future children, but also because these hot flashes have GOT TO GO! Seriously! I just can't take it anymore!
(and then I kick off the covers and start fanning myself because I'm literally sweating from yet another hot flash)
Lord, thank you for all of your blessings and your mercy.
In Jesus' name we pray. AMEN!
After I said my prayer, I thought about all that I had prayed for and started laughing. In part because I obviously had ADD/chemobrain while praying (hence all the random side bars).
But also in part because not only did I pray for a long life and many years with my family, I also prayed for pretty boobies.
I think the age that God usually gets prayers for "pretty boobies" would be when a girl is like 11 and about to hit puberty. And it struck me as HILARIOUS that I'd be praying for the same thing as an 11 year old girl.
But I have a feeling that many breast cancer patient's prayers go something along these lines. You pray very sincerely for the "deep" stuff like a long, long life. But you also pray for those things that represent a "normal" life after cancer, like pretty boobies and the ability to have more children.
Because isn't that what we all want? A long, normal life? As a cancer survivor, normal just looks a little different :)